The past 6 years I have stopped taking adderall only to start again. I thought I could run through the process of school work with my speed instead of walking to class everyday.
At first, it was great, and I got A’s in school; now I’m flunking out because I stopped going to class because I took so much that I was physically exhausted and weak and very paranoid about the way I look
I’m not hopped up anymore on it; I haven’t taken a pill in a week and a day; so I feel like I cannot describe it as thouroghly (sp – I know) as I once could; give me a few months and maybe I’ll explain it better. Like Mike.
I hope this comment isn’t super lame or that it isn’t too poorly written or that it sounds too much like I’ve got it as figured out as Mike
Regardless – this is what I’m doing; I started going to AA/NA. I can’t get out of bed in the morning because I’m so tired; but I do make a point to get out for an hour and go to one of these meetings. 90 meetings in 90 days. It sounds like a lot of people get through this addiction without going to these groups and I’m incredibly jealous of their strength; but I am a weak person and don’t have a good support system where I am. So far, AA and NA people have been so open to me and while a lot of their stories don’t exactly coincide with mine, the pain behind their stories does, as does the advice they give. Sometimes, I feel really lame because these people have been to jail, lost partners, and kids and houses and etc… and I’m just a little pill popper. But at one meeting, someone said that you don’t have to do awful things to go to AA – they knew a woman in AA who never drank outside her kitchen but she knew she had a problem with addiction. Tonight at a meeting someone talked about how they were trying to run through life instead of walk through life and I totally related to that. When I think about never doing adderall again, I get mad anxiety; someone at a meeting said this as well (only about drinking) and their sponser said ‘that’s ok. just try not to https://installmentloansindiana.org/cities/lagrange/ do it today.’ and again that completely resonated with me. These people have what I want: a clear head; courage; serenity; breathing room; balance; support; reality. And that serenity prayer; I have no clue what “God” is but I find peace in just reminding myself : Cassie/”God”/Creator, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
I know some people diss AA and call it “cultish” but the truth is humans are a tribal species. I have tried so many times to stop taking this drug by myself and it never worked for me; for once (and granted it’s only been a week and a day) I feel like I have some support. I have not been able to quit by myself (some can obviously – I cannot, I always fail at this). I need some help; more than just anti-depressants and therapists and this brilliant website. I need something and some people to remind me every day not to call my doctor and manipulate her to give me more of a drug that is ruining/controlling my life.
I just wanted to tell you the step I’ve decided to take this time and tell you I’m starting, ever so slowly, to feel a little better because I’ve met some people to talk to or go get coffee with when really I want to call my doctor for a re-fill.