Do you know how many questions we get about sex? Formspring, emails – hell, I’ve even been facebooked! More than once! Talking about sex is something that we don’t do enough, as a society. So we’re going to start answering a few more questions about what we do in bed. Disclaimer: not everyone answering questions will be a medical professional. These are our opinions. These articles about sex are to promote conversation, so if you agree or disagree with what we say, please feel free to leave it in the comments. Discussion, much like sex, is a healthy part of life. And as always, You Do You. Or someone else.
Help! I just got a strap-on and it turns out I’m not so skilled at using it (yet). How do I learn? Straight porn? Practice? (Don’t worry, we’re planning on practicing.) I’m also really in my head for strap-on sex; it’s all new. Any advice?
But at least the last time I answered a question via facebook, I figured that the answer could spark a potentially meaningful conversation about sex
Congrats on the strap-on! I would say there’s nothing in the world I like better than strap-on sex, but I say that about every sex act I enjoy. It’s really really fun, though. And practicing with the new dick is fun.
Welcome to You Need Help: Sex EDition
It’s sometimes hard though, and not in the punny way. You’ve now got this appendage that you’ve never used before. It’s attached to your hips, which is unlike any other appendage you have, and it requires a specific muscle set to be able to control it the way you really want. This is a muscle set you really won’t have unless you’ve been fucking with something like a strap-on. You also can’t feel what you’re doing with it the same way you can feel with your other appendages. And, when you first strap-on, the act of it can feel a little silly because, as you mention, you get in your head. I had all these same issues with strap-ons when I first started using them – here’s how I counteracted all those thoughts and expectations I weighed myself down with.
Start by getting acquainted with your brand new dick by yourself, without anyone else (partner included) present. There’s a certain amount of comfort that just comes from having it on and knowing what that weight feels like, knowing how your movements affect where it goes. Wear it while cleaning the kitchen, for instance. If you have a waterproof harness, shower with it on.
And most importantly, masturbate while wearing it. There’s an element to this that isn’t just comfort, but mental connection. When one is mentally connected with one’s dick, one ount of feeling with it. Not the same way you can feel with your fingers or your mouth. It’s more of a brain feeling. And masturbating with it helps facilitate that mental connection. Grab some lube and see how you like it touched. See what about it turns you on. And it could be that you discover that you need a little extra stimulation – some harnesses have a place for a bullet vibrator right in the front. Check to see if you have one of those harnesses. If you do, see how that feels for you as well. Really the big thing about getting acquainted with your new friend is that you want to get as comfortable as possible while wearing it. Get down with your bad self.
Yes, porn helps in the inspiration department, but not as much as one would think in the practicality department. It’s nice to see what kind of sex acts or positions other people enjoy taking part in, but because everyone’s body is vastly different, you may not get the kind of how to you’re looking for. You also may not necessarily need to watch straight porn – I find that I don’t care for most mainstream straight porn. And for getting inspired with my strap-on, I’d rather see people who are actually using a strap-on. Try Crashpad. There are a few scenes that explicitly deal with strap-on sex – this one between Jake and Wilder, for instance.